Not Be Noticed
by Prophetic Fire
Summary: There's a spider web in the corner of my sleeping tube. At first I was gonna brush it away, but she seemed so helpless, flattened into the crack as if trying not to be noticed. I know all about not being noticed. You think that'd be easy in a sea of identical faces, but the Kaminoans are always looking for anyone who stands out.


There's a spider web in the corner of my sleeping tube.

It started out small. Just a couple of strands she put up against the seam of the back wall. (I know it's a she because I looked it up. And I know she won't hurt me because I looked that up too. I guess small insect identification isn't something they think we'll need.) At first I was gonna brush it away, but she seemed so helpless, flattened into the crack as if trying not to be noticed.

I know all about not being noticed. You think that'd be easy in a sea of identical faces, but the Kaminoans are always looking for anyone who stands out. They took 72 away after she kept insisting that the light inside her training HUD was gray and not red. (Though sometimes I think that's not really why they took her away.) They took Buddy away when he stopped growing like the rest of us. And they're watching 44 like a shriekhawk, and I know it's because of the color of his hair.

So I left the spider alone.

I figured if I pretended not to notice her, then no one would notice me either.

I don't look any different. I don't seem any different. But my batchers tell me I _know_ things. Like how I can tell an exercise is gonna go to shit before it happens. Or how I'm always aware of where my batchmates are at any given time. I heard some of the older _vode_ whispering about "soldier sense" a while back. Talking about it with hushed voices and glances over shoulders, as though it wasn't something to be discussed in the open. I supposed that if I had this "soldier sense" thing, I should probably keep it to myself.

Not be noticed.

The spider web grew bigger. I hoped she didn't mind sharing space with me. I was hardly ever there anyway. Always drills and practices and exercises to do. And I tried to keep my head down. Up to this point anyway, it seems to be working. Because nobody notices if my weapon lands a few inches away and then slides back into my hand. Not as long as I do it quickly. And if I'm on my feet a little faster after I get knocked down, then that's just good conditioning, right?

There's a little oval-shaped looking mass in the web, and I'm pretty sure it's her babies. Where she found another spider to mate with in the sterility of this environment I'll probably never know. I read that she'll stay by the eggs until they hatch, and then she'll die, and the babies will eat her for nourishment before going off to live their lives. I know what kind of lives they'll have if they try to stay here.

Short.

Hunted.

Abhorred.

I think that's why I let her stay this long.

I'm world-weary before my time, some of the older _vode_ say. The ones who have already been to the front lines. They say when they were my age they were excited to deploy, to fulfill their purpose. I shouldn't be so down already about leaving Kamino. And if they can see it then the Kaminoans can probably see it too. But how do I tell them I can _feel_ it dripping off of them? The heaviness of heartache and exhaustion. How do I tell them I know what's coming for me because I can see it in their eyes? If I'm world-weary, it's because their own bone-deep emptiness seeps into my senses, cold, foggy. I can't shut it out.

I feel sometimes like I'm in my own kind of spider web. I have connections and they make me strong, but they're so hard to notice unless you feel them brush across you, and with just a sweep of a smooth gray hand it could all be gone. I don't have any babies to protect, but I still feel like my web keeps me grounded to something.

I'm gonna graduate soon. Then they'll clean out my sleeping tube and give it to someone else. I won't get to see the babies hatch. I hope they do before the web gets wiped away. I know their lives will be short, just like mine. Maybe they'll go off to make webs of their own in some other dark corner. Maybe they'll have babies too.

I know they'll survive.

I can feel it.


End file.
